I don't know about you, but at my family occasions, it is expected that you are to have FUN. Not just any fun either, ORGANIZED FUN. This might be a quiz downloaded from the internet where the answers are all famous European royals, a bonnet making competition (regardless of competitors' ages), an enforced sing-a-long to Edwardian music hall hits or something that involves mass cutting up of paper, which must immediately be put into a rubbish bag, leaving everyone scrabbling on the floor, instead of eating the long-awaited cake.
Anyway, sometimes, my family leave the house. This is probably not advisable, but we attend various events such as folk festivals or golden wedding anniversaries. It then becomes apparent to my mum that, perhaps, we are not having any FUN because there are no quizzes or competitions and some of us are sitting down quietly, so there can only be one answer in her opinion: HATS. Who couldn't be having a good time if they're wearing a hat? I mean, sailors wear hats all the time, don't they? And they're always Hornpiping and dancing down to the brig. So here we are, I'm 25 years old and my bedroom is slowly but surely becoming a decaying mass of archiac headwear, from events at which I 'appeared' to not be enjoying myself.
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| Item 1: The Jester's hat |
As you can see, this little gem is a velvet Jester's hat, as favoured as the drunk men who stand behind you at festivals, shouting abuse at your favourite band, the one that's the reason you bought the ticket, until they leave the stage, angry, having only played half their set.
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| Item 2: The spiky belly monstrosity | |
What's more fun than one hat? Well that'd be two sort-of matching hats. So while I wore the above velvet creation, my mother wore this bell-encrusted noise machine, to ensure the FUN was audible.
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| Item 3: the fake Japanese rice paddy hat |
A while ago, my whole family read Memoirs of a Geisha. You've probably read it too, it's kind of a classic now, but I bet you don't have an authentic Japanese hat do you? Well, neither do I, the quality of this thing is shocking.
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| Item 4: Poundland's finest |
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Due to the fact that I appear to be at least 1/3 albino, this enforced purchase, was based on an overwhelming family fear that I would get sunstroke and not be able to partake in any of the planned entertainment, later in the evening.
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| Item 5: The world is heavy on my shoulders |
In similar vein to the last item, this hat was purchased at a music festival fearing my scalp would shear off due to the overwhelming heat. This hat is made of bamboo. I don't feel that I can explain, using only the English language, how heavy this hat is to wear. Suffice to say, it was about a thousand degrees and I had to wear it all day. Oh, and my mum bought a matching one.
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| Item 6: I am not Fearne Cotton |
On a trip to London, Everyone got over excited and thought it would be 'kooky' if I had a bowler hat. Now, I hate Fearne Cotton, with a fire that rages through my tattered soul, and she championed these a while back. I think that, by how dusty it is, you can see how much I've worn it. It was also really pricy.
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| Item 7: Pre sexual revolution chic |
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If I ever have to play a part in the remake of 'Driving Miss Daisy,' it will be in this hat.
And Finally:
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| Item 8: Hell freezes over |
Similar to everyone wondering if I'm too hot, what if I get too cold?! Well, I need never fear with this little number. I know what you're thinking and you're right: I do look like a match.
So there we are, I can't bring myself to get rid of any of these, so I'm going to organize some sort of very over the top party at which they can have an outing. I would also like to point out that if you ever come to an event with me, and look a bit sombre,I'll probably encourage you to buy and wear a hat as we all end up a bit like our parents.
Bye Bye now
Katie :)
Hat's so funny! :D
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